What a week I’ve had – working through the tail end of this freaking flu, a call from the principal on Monday afternoon (sigh) leading to much mean momness on my part including the removal of television and DS privileges for a child, trying to catch up on wordcount because being sick put me behind and trying to prepare for a new release I felt like I hadn’t promoted enough. Then bam! I had a new release, I sold a new book, I got an amazing cover and at last, I received my revision letter for Undercover and thank God, my editor did not hate the book. Whew.

I was talking with someone about fear last week. See, I’m scared every day. Scared of failing. Scared of not being good enough, fast enough, of just not being enough period. It’s scary to face this stuff – wonderful because it’s the fulfillment of something I’ve been working for for some time but yet, because I want it so badly, the idea of possibly losing it cuts deep. Sometimes it makes you overthink or freezes you.

But you know, you have to work through the fear or who wins? If I really thought about the stakes I’d freeze up. So I don’t. I mean, in a sense, I’m aware of it all which is why I work so hard at it, but you know, the only cure for fear is facing and working through it. Fear can keep you sharp. It can make you appreciate how far you’ve come and overcoming it can help keep you working and moving forward.

I’m not fearless. I’m human and most writers I know deal with fear. If someone told me they never got a bit shaky when they thought about their first NY release or the manuscript being pitched for that second big contract, or that they never hesitated before looking at that first review for a new release, I’m not sure I’d believe them. Maybe I’m fooling myself and everyone is totally confident 100% of the time about their writing and everything they do, but I don’t think so.

Anyway, just a blather for Saturday while I wait for my kitchen floor to dry. Sigh, I hate to mop! And I cleaned the bathrooms today too and made the penis posse listen to my rants about getting the pee in the toilet and I don’t care how many times they hear it, I’m gonna say it again. My word! Then I’ll get back to writing Sensual Magic, I’m 5K away from being done and SO excited about it. Then I’ll start on my revisions on Undercover (eek!) and get on to Unexpected so I won’t be late and Angie won’t hurt me.

Enjoy your Saturday afternoon and hey, all you folks getting pounded by snow right now, keep warm.

3 comments to “Fear”

  1. Ann Aguirre
    March 8th, 2008 at 7:54 pm · Link

    I’m scared all the time, too. I just don’t let it paralyze me.

  2. Marissa
    March 8th, 2008 at 9:49 pm · Link

    Fear can make or break you… you have to decide which path you take. The one thing I fear most is being left behind. I’ve always hated being left out and I’ve got that feeling now… but like I said, you have to decide which path to take… I decided I’m going to use that fear to fuel me and see where it leads. I’m through being frozen and paralyzed by it. It’s time to see if I’ve got what it takes. HUGS!

    I LOVE your cover. Gorgeous!

  3. Lori
    March 9th, 2008 at 10:26 am · Link

    I’m sorry. I was totally relating about the fear until I got to the “penis posse”. Everything else just flew out the window at that point – sorry. Love that moniker, BTW.

    But the happiest day of my life was when I could make the penis posse in my house clean the pee on the floor around the toilet for themselves and hear the “ewwwws” coming from the bathroom. Lightbulb moment for them there. They are old enough to clean the bathroom, and they alternate weeks for cleanup. They are much more careful to make sure to aim better.