How about an excerpt from NO RESERVATIONS? Kate and Leah both have their own reasons for escaping the holidays back east and have headed to Vegas together for some girlfriend time…

Copyright 2009, Megan Hart and Lauren Dane
All Rights Reserved, Random House

‘You’re a bitch when you drink champagne,’ Leah snickered. ‘Do you think I have to keep it? You know, bring it out when they visit and stuff?’

‘So you’ve accepted they’ll visit? You’ve accepted you and Bingo have a capital F future then? You know you want to marry him, Leah. He’s young and eager and yes, he makes me want to ruffle his hair. If I could reach it without standing on a chair that is. But he’s a good dude. He loves you. He accepts you and respects your space. He gets you—in and out of bed. He has a job. He’s not a dick like Mike. He’ll apparently grow into a hot older man like his dad. And you’ll have a lifetime supply of doilies and BeDazzled shirts. Lastly and most importantly, he doesn’t have an ex-wife.’

‘Marriage? It seems like such a big step. I do not appreciate that he planned to do it there. He should have done it in private. He should have discussed it with me first!’

‘You know he did it because that’s how he thinks. He wanted to make a statement to you about how important you are to him. I bet asking women to marry them at Christmas with the family is important down in Hooterville. If you weren’t ancient, he would have given you his Four H pin or whatever the fuck.’

‘Hooterville, ha! You’re going to hell for making me laugh about this.’

‘You can sit at my table in the cafeteria.’

They paid and went outside, relaxed, mildly intoxicated, still full from an awesome sushi lunch and all prettied up. Kate hadn’t been so manicured and facialized in a while. Her roots were done, her pores were sparkling clean, her skin was soft and she smelled good. She wished Dix were there to get an eyeful.

Once they got in the cab heading back to the hotel, Leah got back to the subject. ‘We’re already living together, why isn’t that enough? And you’re one to talk. Dix wants to live with you and you keep putting him off.’

‘Of course I am. I would live with him if he didn’t have the whole daughter situation. I can’t be the slutty, selfish girlfriend who makes him think with his cock. I love him, Leah. He’s patient and kind, he thinks about what makes me happy. He loves to give oral sex and he’s damned good at it. He even had dinner with my parents at Thanksgiving! But I don’t want him to put his kids aside for me. I couldn’t live with that. He adores them. He’s a great, involved father. It’s only two more years. We can deal that long. I’m actually trying to see if I can take some of the cases further out of the city. There’s an entire division that deals with Lancaster and the surrounding environs. If I can do that three days a week, it might be a reality that I can move in with him and keep my place in the city.’

‘Have you told him about this?’

‘He only recently began the let’s move in together thing. He suggested we move to Lancaster which makes it halfway between our jobs and we each commute. Which is great but it doesn’t get at the situation with his daughters still going to school. While I don’t mind him commuting an hour, why should they give up the house he’s lived in for all these years?’

‘Because they’re old enough to deal with that. For God’s sake, they’re not eight years old. You said they were with Pickles most weekdays anyway because she was way closer to the school and their jobs.’

‘Back to you. I just think you should take a chance on Bingo. He’s worth it. He’s like way hot and stuff. He folds your laundry because it makes you happy. Christ, Leah, what man does that? He’s like, well listen, if he were five or six years older and not your boyfriend and Dix wouldn’t kill me and I didn’t love him and all, I’d nail Brandon myself.’

They got out and let the doorman get the door for them as they sauntered through the lobby, through the atrium and back toward the elevators.

‘Whore.’ Leah laughed as they rode up to their floor.

‘You know it. So when are you going to call him? He has to be worried.’

‘I know. After dinner tonight I will. Maybe I’ll go home when you do.’

They got off and walked around the serene, luxuriously appointed corner and what should they see but Dix and Bingo looking like they slept rough and very unhappy.

Kate stopped, sheepish. ‘Um. Guess you found where I was staying.’

Mouth in a hard line, Dix took the card key from her hand, opened the door, handed it to Brandon who looked equally pissed off, and turned back to Kate.

‘Which one is yours?’

She pointed to her room. He swatted her ass and pushed her along the way. She cast a look over her shoulder at Brandon and Leah before Dix slammed the door and menaced her.

‘No offense or anything, but one, you look like you slept on the floor of a Greyhound Bus and two, why are you here?’

He stepped toward her and she wrinkled her nose. ‘There’s a three, you smell like pee. Did Bingo have an accident or something?’

He threw up his hands and began to laugh. ‘Damn you, Kate. Why can you always disarm me? I’m supposed to be mad at you. Bingo? And why the fuck do you look so good? Being away from me means you turn into some fucking supermodel?’

She shoved him toward the bathroom. ‘I wouldn’t have had four glasses of champagne if I knew you’d be here. Bingo is apparently what Ma and Pa Kettle call Band Boy. If you tell him, I will have to kill you before Leah kills me so keep that to yourself. Get out of those clothes and into the shower. I can’t say I’ve ever had a thing for homeless, urine stinky men, even ones who can blow me until I scream.’

He got in and she brought back a glass of champagne just as he was getting out of the shower.

‘Thank you.’ He drank it in two swallows, put the glass down and hauled her to him for a kiss that left her tingly, shaky and breathless. ‘That’s better. I looked like I slept on the sticky floor of a Greyhound Bus because we spent last night at the ever so lovely Penny Pincher motor court about five miles from here with hot and cold running hookers with two-day beard growth and fishnet stockings in the lobby. By the way, he offered us a freebie. They had hourly rates. Brandon’s feet hung off the end of the bed. Which crinkled from the plastic lining on the mattress. My skin is still crawling. And here you are staying in the motherfucking penthouse suite at the Palisades! Why do you look so good? You smell like mango. Your hair is all soft and straight. Your breasts are very fetching in that blouse. What the fuck have you been doing?’

‘A guy I saved from a very nasty legal situation a few years ago works here. They had a last minute cancellation. It’s swank, no? I look rested because I am. I slept until eleven the last two mornings and I had breakfast served at the table out there while Kate and I leafed through magazines. Yesterday we shopped and lunched and went dancing. Today we had a spa day which included a massage, a facial, skin treatments including mango body butter, a manicure and a pedicure. Oh and I got my hair done. In between those things, we had sushi for lunch and flirted with servers. I also masturbated three times for no other reason than I could and I knew Leah wasn’t going to burst in without knocking and pretend she forgot I was in here. Why are you here? And most importantly, is Pickles with you?’

‘You test me, woman. You wouldn’t tell me where you were. I wanted to be with you. You promised me this entire winter break and I’m here to collect. Take those clothes off.’

She grinned. ‘How did you find me?’

‘Bingo has hotel connections. My God your tits look good.’ His hands replaced her bra and she arched into his touch.

‘I have a suggestion.’

‘I’m all ears and erection.’

‘We both owe the other a blow job, let’s start with that first.’

Don’t forget to visit today’s other Snippeters!

Vivian Arend
McKenna Jeffries
Ashley Ladd
Kelly Maher
Shelley Munro
Taige Crenshaw
Lauren Dane
Shelli Stevens
TJ Michaels

2 comments to “SNIPPET SATURDAY – Humor”

  1. Mary G
    January 30th, 2010 at 9:17 am · Link

    Yep – so glad this is already home in my TBR pile.

  2. JerryT
    January 30th, 2010 at 1:48 pm · Link

    Coming Undone is available from! Yay I read it and it’s terrific!