The One In Which Lauren Talks Pop Culture

Loves: Tool Academy. I know. I do and I’m sort of ashamed but I cannot tear my eyes away! I can’t deal with the new Rock of Love at all – these women are so beyond sanity and personal hygiene that my pity gene won’t allow me to watch without massive eye watering and muttering. So while I was in bed, too tired to write anymore and too tired to fall asleep right away I caught an episode of Tool Academy and I was hooked.

Don’t get me wrong, this show is spectacularly awful and these women need way more therapy than they can get on some VH1 exploitation fest but I don’t know, there’s something compelling in a guilty pleasure sort of way. The daily therapy sessions, yes they call them that, I don’t know if the lady with the accent is really a therapist but she has an accent and we all know that’s a TV shortcut to give an air of authority and hello, it’s a VH1 reality show, if these women really wanted help would they be humiliating themselves on television by showing us all what they’ve put up with for 6 and 10 years?

A few of the guys seem like they truly want to change but most of them are spectacular a-holes. And these women, sigh. I can’t hear the, “I put six years into him, I can’t just walk away knowing I didn’t do everything I could” without thinking, he’s been fucking his way through your girlfriends and siblings for six years, eating all the food in your fridge, insulting your mom, not paying rent and leaving him now is really knowing you did everything you could because getting 100K if you make it through isn’t really a good indicator of change. But that’s just me.

I love my husband very much. we’ve been together for 23 years and let me tell you, if he had an alter ego name like “matsuflex” or “celebrity” wherein he used the name use the douchebag card in general, there would not be 23 years of togetherness. There has to be a point where boys grow into men and women stop letting men who are boys walk all over them and get away with fucking their friends. Yannow? If not, I suppose let’s put it on tv so I can look heavenward and mouth thank you when my dude walks into the room with a piece of chocolate.

Anyhoodle, yes I love it. It’s better than Housewives of OC, which had been my reality TV guilty pleasure up to this point.

Hates: Can we PLEASE stop talking about Jessica Simpson’s weight? OH MY GOD. The economy is in ruins, we’re in a war on two fronts, institutional peanut butter snacks are making children and the elderly sick and every freaking news story last night on the entertainment shows was about Jessica Simpson’s weight. Who fucking cares? Like seriously? You don’t know her and I think her life is hard enough performing at chili cook offs instead of at the superbowl so let’s just let the poor girl sing her shallow pop songs in peace. At least her creepily inappropriate father isn’t talking about how hot her body is, okay? Jeebus.

All this excessive attention on the woman’s pants size (when girlfriend, those PANTS were a crime against humanity and would make twiggy look like a heifer anyway) is just stupid. STUPID. We can’t have it both ways. The media gets all over people like Misha Barton for being too thin but Jessica Simpson for not being too thin – there’s no middle ground. Leave her alone. Jeez.

9 comments to “The One In Which Lauren Talks Pop Culture”

  1. Christine
    January 29th, 2009 at 12:34 pm · Link

    You would think we didn’t have anything more important to talk about then whether someone is too fat. It’s no wonder so many kids have eating disorders

  2. Dana
    January 29th, 2009 at 2:45 pm · Link

    ROTFLMAO…Yep, those pants could hinder the BEST of figures in horrid ways!

    And(Ok deep breaths here) …hello, I’m Dana and addicted to Rock of Love.

    OMG…I don’t know why, or when it happened….but God help me it DID. I don’t even really watch TV. The kids had it on last year…and I watched those final epi’s. The they had it on again….and again, I’m glued eyes wide, mouth gaping, praying these woman were PAID to ACT like hookers…and they’re NOT really to that extreme.

    And Bret..Dude, I mean C’mon, get some glasses already.

    I caught a few of epi’s of tools…but figured since I was already being BAD w/ Rock of Love…well, I wouldn’t chance fate that it was addicting.

    Short of “Joe Millionaire” and that GORGEOUS Evan Marriot, I’ve avoided all reality shows.


  3. Karin
    January 29th, 2009 at 4:39 pm · Link

    Oh my. Those women need to go hunting for some self respect if they’re putting up with guys who sleep around with all their friends. I can’t imagine anyone staying with someone like that, not to mention someone who never paid rent. That boy would be out on the curb without a second glance from me. 🙄

  4. Stargirl
    January 29th, 2009 at 5:54 pm · Link

    Well now I have to go check out this show, lol.

    I agree Lauren. There are more important things that are news broadcast worthy, very important things happening in the world, and that is what was given too much attention. And we wonder why there is a large number of people who do not know who the first president of the USA was but they know tons of celebrity trivia?

    As for Jessica herself , give her a break. So what, OMG, you mean she isn’t a size zero, or a two? so she looks like a normal, healthy, beautiful person, who is susceptible to looking horrid in poorly designed pants. Wow, like a regular gal. Most women aren’t a size two, definitely not a zero. Sheesh, when I was a size 4 I ran 3.5 miles 6 days a week and did weights and pilates and guess what, you could still pinch and inch (or more). I’m fighting the weight battle myself. What I wouldn’t give just to be a healthy 8 right now. If Marilyn Monroe was trying to make it in Hollywood today they would be calling her a fat cow. Which she most definitely wasn’t. Get a grip people. Can we just for once lift each other up instead of constantly tearing each other down?

  5. Joy Roach
    January 30th, 2009 at 4:54 am · Link

    “those PANTS were a crime against humanity ”

    LMAO! I agree.

  6. Nancy
    January 30th, 2009 at 10:07 am · Link

    They actually said she ‘ballooned’ up to a size 8. BALLOONED????

    The thing that pisses me off is that these are the same media bastards who run all those pieces on anorexic actresses and how ‘worried’ they are and how it’s Hollywood’s fault that these women are so thin.

    And then they (the media) are the first ones to jump on Jessica for actually getting to a healthy weight! It makes me so frakking pissed!

  7. Michelle Pillow
    January 30th, 2009 at 10:35 pm · Link

    I’ve never heard of Tool Academy, lol. And here I thought I’d become a sort of TV junkie. Though, I’ve become a little addicted to Top Chef on Food Network. Ok, and several others. I like Jon & Kate Plus 8–because I’m thankful I don’t have that many kids. LOL

  8. Michelle Pillow
    January 30th, 2009 at 10:37 pm · Link

    Oh, and I’m really glad to be a writer and not a celeb judged constantly by the media like that.

  9. Tina S.
    January 31st, 2009 at 6:21 pm · Link

    Now I don’t feels so bad! I watch those shows all the time. Talk about mindless entertainment. Not to mention if I am feeling down, watching those idiots makes me feel a whole lot better.