I went in search of sandals and a dress/something a bit dressy to wear on my upcoming writer’s retreat/trip yesterday.
In the first place, what is up with macrame on shoes? Uh, no thanks. I love espadrilles and wanted to find a pair but they all looked like some part project my mom made in the 70’s or they had sparkles or spangles or they were gold. And what is up with that? I don’t want to wear gold shoes. I’m not seventy nor am I in Oz. Anyway, total and utter bust on finding shoes although I laughed out loud in one shoe store when I heard a guy say to his wife/girlfriend, “yeah, we definitely need to get you some more slutty looking shoes.” I think my husband would like that guy.
Then I hunted for a dress. It’s formal dance season here, I wasn’t aware of that until yesterday when I had to wade through the knots of teenaged girls giggling and fighting with their mothers over taffeta and sparkles. So I didn’t want taffeta or sparkles. It’s slim pickens out there right now in the non sparkle category. I tried on a skirt that would best be described by my husband as “an at home entertainment skirt” I would have been a bit frightened to sit down in public, unless there was a pole.
At last I found a dress. It’s quite sexy and low cut but not slutty. But the low cut thing required some creative thinking and I found a camisole to wear under it and on the rack next to the camisoles were wonder bras. Now, I’ve never had a wonder bra before. In a rather TMI moment, I’ll confess that I have C cups and so I haven’t needed one. But I thought, “I bet my husband will like this!” and I bought it. Well! I am quite seriously considering an all wonder bra all the time policy. Dude! In the low cut dress? My breasts looked spectacular (for a 38 year old) and I was left marveling at the genius of bra engineering.
All of this left me thinking about my body. More specifically, how my perceptions of it have changed over time. So over the last year and a half I’ve lost about sixty pounds. Yep, a full kindergardener! Anyway, I’m not sure I’ve worn a low cut sexy black dress in at least ten years. And it’s not that I had body issues, I didn’t, I’ve always felt sexy, no matter my size. But suddenly, I’m having to deal with my body in a different way. It’s odd to me to notice men looking at me in such frankly appraising ways. I’m a pretty big flirt and now i have to be more careful about it because I’m more of a sexual being on the outside. Odd. Gah! I think too much.
Oh, one last thing, I went into Waldenbooks and Triad was there. I picked it up and turned to the woman browsing next to me, “I wrote this book!” And she was so sweet. I suddenly realized that I was standing there with a total stranger with a menage vampire/wizard/witch three way, well, more than one, in my hand. I think she bought it actually, she had it in her hand when I left the store. Even if she didn’t, it was veyr nice of her to ask me all about it. Man, I’m goofy.