Vixenwriter

and after a deep breath (and picking the kids up from school)

Yesterday while writing, IMing and surfing the intarwebs I saw an interesting post over at the FFF community about author blogs and advice on what we should and shouldn’t blog about. The original post was that an agent advised a client not to blog about getting rejected because of course, industry folks do blog surf and you don’t want to come off like, well someone who gets rejected. And in that comment stream, Jackie Kessler asked what the question, “what is the purpose of a blog?” which I think is an important question.

This is long and totally my opinion…

I tend to agree that authors should think about what they say on their blogs. In fact, I wish it happened more often than it does. An irrefutable truth - there are different standards applied to “public figures” of any kind. Yes, I would be held to a different response if I said the same things a reader blogger said. And to that I respond, “so what?” Because that is the reality and you can accept it and deal with it appropriately or you can be a twat and think you’re doing something important by shaking your fist at reality and saying whatever pops into your head without a thought for the consequences.

There are things you just don’t do. And I know that agitates people. I know people wish we could just be totally open about whatever agitates us, whatever strife we’re dealing with behind the scenes, etc. There are times when I wish that were so as well. But the fact is, this is a business for authors. Your name, how you act in public - these things are part of the whole package.

So, IMO, I do blog about rejection. Because guess what? EVERYONE gets rejected. This business is about perserverence and the ability to bounce back. It is. So when newbie authors read this blog I want them to know I get knocked around too. You don’t sell once and then bingo you sell everything you pitch forevermore. I mean, I’m sure some authors are just that fabulous and lucky, but most of us get rejected from time to time for a whole host of reasons.

The issue is - HOW you blog about the negatives in this business, not necessarily if you blog about them at all. So I’d never get up on this blog and bitch about a certain house or a certain editor or whine and piss and moan about how New York isn’t ready for me or I’m too edgy for New York or whatever. In my opinion, that’s simply unprofessional. Period. Even if an editor at a certain house said I ate kittens in puff pastry and wrote the worst drek ever - although dude, I think I’d have to laugh and at least joke about it with my friends because that would be a horribly awesome rejection. Anyway, I’m digressing (SHOCK!).

Writing about the writer’s life is part and parcel of why I blog. I started blogging before I sold my first book but over time, I’ve had to really think about how I speak, what I say and who I say it to. I’m a writer, this blog will be about my life, which includes writing. I don’t want to jam my books down your throats every three minutes, I don’t want to only be happy, I don’t want to whore myself. I’m a person so for me, when I think about what a blog is about, I think this blog is about my life. Sometimes I’m going to talk about my kids or my husband or the broken headlight I got at the grocery store. Other times I talk about editing or revising, sales and yep, rejections.

A blog should give readers/visitors a feel for who the blogger is so I think authors should think about that carefully. By that, I mean, think about how your content reflects upon you and what people take away about you from that. Is that how you want to be perceived?

Several months ago I read a blog entry where the author had been rejected by a certain house (one I write for actually, just to disclose that bias) and she spent quite a bit of time really dogging the house and the editor who rejected her. Another author replied in the comments several things I personally knew were untrue but the real issue is that to me, it ended up looking like sour grapes. Because when I read that I think, “EVERYONE gets rejected! Do you think you’re too special to be rejected? Are your words so sacred that any editor who reads then will be ensorceled by them and if not, they’re out to get you for some reason?” It gave me a very negative perspective on both the authors because it was vulgar. Now, I’m sure that author who’d been rejected was hurting. Rejection sucks. But there are appropriate ways to vent and it’s not on your blog naming names.

Also, filters and boundaries are important. There are things you’d say to your child’s teacher and things you’d say to your best friend - right? All kinds of things occur to me and yes, at times here I’m random and stream of consciousness but believe it or not, I am accutely aware of what’s appropriate. Occasionally, I’ll see author and sometimes industry blogs where completely inappropriate things are discussed and the owners of those blogs always seem so surprised when they get heat. If a professional uses her industry blog to bash another competetor I’m going to walk away with a negative feeling - AND SO WILL READERS. If an author uses her blog to whine about a review in great detail, I’m going to shake my head. Bad reviews are another thing that happens to EVERYONE. Suck it up and move on. Vent to your buddy on IM, eat some Ben and Jerry’s and don’t blog about it.

You can be goofy but still stay professional wrt this business. You can post pics of your dog’s new sweater or your new horse or the halloween costume you made for your kid but I really find discussions of the size of your partner’s wedding tackle to be outside the scope of a professional writing blog. Again, just me. I write sex, but I think we can talk about it unshamedly and openly without crossing the line into TMI. I don’t want to hear about fungal infections either. Nor do I want to see bigoted stuff.

Whew! Okay so that’s totally long winded and 100% opinion. My point is - it’s all in the execution. There’s a time and a place for things. Sharing ups and downs of a writer’s life is interesting - I don’t only want to see sunshine and rainbows, some days you really just feel like laying on the couch and eating fried foods while watching Rock of Love. Shrug. We can be human, we are human, but like anyone else in any other professional situation, it’s how we choose to address things that makes all the difference.

I really, truly hate it when someone shows up on a loop or group blog and demands an apology on behalf of the group for something. In the first place, it’s totally self righteous. Don’t speak for me. Speak for yourself. You don’t have the right to speak for anyone but yourself so knock it off. If you’re offended just say so if you feel the need (and sometimes you do, I know that). But all this breast beating and wailing about the need for apologies to an entire group is tiresome. It makes me want to grab your author photo and LOL cat it.

Also, while I’m in rant mode - when people lie on the internet, are they unaware people know they’re lying?

Note: Currently playing quite loud on my stereo - Judas Priest - You’ve Got Another Thing Coming. Ha!

Paul Tolme, the author whose words were taken verbatim by a certain romance author and used in her book has written an article for Newsweek in which he describes romance in the most pitiable and snotty of ways. The man isn’t much of a scholar if he reads one romance novel and describes an entire genre as schlock and says we have low standards.

The prose is standard romance-novel shlock. He proclaims (after reading a single romance novel). He then later says, “Wow, that is some bad dialogue. It stands out as clunky and awkward even by the standards of romance novels.” Because boys and girls, he knows what those standards are. Now in actuality, he’s right to call out that passage because what makes it so glaring is that it’s scholarly language in the midst of prose, but he can’t be satisfied with that because why pass up a chance to be all intellectual and take a swipe at the low brow, horny housewives who read and write romance? That’s like extra ego points and some people apparently need them. The ones he refers to in this passage, “I can imagine frustrated and horny readers cursing the ferrets and skipping ahead in search of the next nipple.” (By the way, these quotes can all be found in Tolme’s article which I link in the first paragraph)

Making oneself look better by sneering down your nose at another group you find beneath you is pitable, Mr. Tolme. It’s often an indicator of a person who feels lacking in some area of their life.

No one should have their work stolen from them, what happened to Tolme and the others who were plagerized was morally and literally dishonest. Sadly, I suppose you can still be a tool when you’ve been wronged. I hope your ego feels better at my and my readers expense. I’ve long since given up trying to have an intelligent conversation about romance with people like Tolme who’d prefer to characterize and sterotype us instead of oh, I don’t know, accord us some respect, the same respect he’d give anyone else. In fact, the same respect he’s been given by great percentages of our community who’ve defended him and his words.

I know better. I know I shouldn’t read the letters in the RWR and yet every month I do. And I’m honestly never ready for the depth of audacity on the part of some of the people who write in to gasp and moan and put their hand on their foreheads and cry about the direction of romance.

This month’s little ditty is written by Linda Swift Reeder - who quickly assures us she’s not a prude and then follows up by calling erotic romance porn and women who have sex or who use curse words in these books sluts. This follows three months of letters crying about the “gang member” language on the part of heroines (including one written by a fairly well known pararomance author only signed in her real name and makes no reference to her writerly persona). Yawn. Won’t someone think of the children. *weeps* Yadda yadda.

I’m bored by the attacks on my morals by people who don’t know me. I’m agitated far more by what equals attacks on my readers. I mean, to consistently assail books my readers buy which contain curse words and sex scenes is at attack on romance readers and I’m not a genius or anything, but I love my readers and I can’t imagine why these folks attack them.

At this point I’m not even angry. I’m just sort of saddened by the lazy intellectualism this sort of letter shows.

I don’t think it’s jealousy that drives this sort of letter. I think there’s an expectation by people of Reeder’s ilk, that one’s opinion should be more than just an opinion - it should simply be the way *everyone* thinks and feels. This plays out in politics and every day life as well.

Some people don’t handle change well so they latch on to whatever they can to hang their anxieties. Erotic romance, sex, confident women - it’s all just a place to go when you can’t deal with your own insecurities.

There are indeed many romance novels that don’t contain graphic sex and bad language. There is indeed a middle ground in romance as well as the extremes on both sides (and I mean extreme as in polarity from the middle not in character). But people like this never rely on facts, they go straight for histrionics because that’s all they know. It’s lazy, but it’s prevalent.

There are many books I don’t read. Many genres that dont’ work for me. And many that do. I tend to turn my brain off whenever anyone starts wailing about “the children” or “our daughters” or “we as X women” because cripes, there are as many kinds of women as there are kinds of books.

I don’t think it’s sex she needs, or royalties, or whatever. I think it’s a damned open mind she’s in desperate need of and an ability to accept and understand she’s not the arbiter of what anyone but herself reads, does and says.

Books are amazing. Preferences are amazing. So put the two together why don’t you? Like what you like, don’t like what you don’t. It’s so very simple and completely unnecessary to attack what other people read and write.

So really, I must admit to not reading the RWR cover to cover. I usually find myself really enjoying one of the articles and I love the letters. I mean, love them with stalkerish sort of passion. This is for a few reasons - first of all, the perspective of people who so zealously keep track of what other people do, say, think, read and write fascinates me. I’m serious!

On a related note, I was having a discussion with kiddo #1 on the way to school the other day. He’s a major reader and reads at several grade levels above his. He loves the Harry Potter books. (And the Timewarp Trio and the Magic Treehouse books - essentially put history, science and magic together and he’s all over it). So he was telling me about a kid in his class who’d been saying no one should be able to check out the Harry Potter books from the school library and how they were bad, etc. Now, as you may have guessed, I’m not one of those sweet moms who rarely says a word about anything. I replied, “you know there are a brand of people who are obsessed with what other people do and say with freakish zeal. Rather than focus on what they read and do, which is sometimes uncomfortable and difficult, they like to focus on what other people do. And what you read is none of his business. We don’t play that game.” I think I might have even been a bit more harsh at the time but I was driving near the school and paying attention to not hitting a child or having some dumbass parent in a gazillion dollar SUV sideswipe me because they’re on their cellphone and eating chilidogs or whatever.

ANYHOODLE - that’s sort of my point and I know I’ve ranted on this one before but it gets me in a way few other issues do. If mrs “I hate the bad words in what passes for romance these days and those authors who write sex scenes have no decency so I went to self publishing and look my family, me and my neighbors all think my book is great so take that publishing and smut peddlers!” wants to write a book to avoid seeing bad words and any sex in her romance - more power to her. I applaud her choice, I applaud her action in creating something she’d like. That’s great!

But why, why oh why do folks with his mindset seem so obsessed with what everyone else does? In the first place, I don’t buy that so much romance is filled with filth that she had no choice but to write her own book. There are plenty of lines which publish books without profanity and sex in them.

In the second place, even if it’s true and you were driven to create your own market - why be so bitter and nasty about everything else YOU DON’T READ? Why does it seem to keep people up all night that books have bad language or sex, or kid wizards? If you don’t like it, don’t read it. Bing! Problem solved. I use this tactic every day. I don’t read things I don’t like. I don’t write genres I don’t like or can’t seem to create the voice for. It’s a NORMAL way of coping the universe.

It’s like saying, “I hate green peppers. All bottled Ragu sauce has green peppers. I make my own. BUT I think about ragu day and night. Why oh why do people eat ragu? Ragu is evil” (and I just chose ragu, I like ragu, I’m sure many people do and many don’t so they buy another brand and it never impacts their lives) Just don’t freaking eat green peppers! Don’t buy the stuff you don’t like.

Lastly, does it not seem, hmm, prideful perhaps, to boast about the fifteen five star reviews for your self published book when one is your own, another is your neice and the rest of them seem to be written by people with only one review? It’s in the same vein as “I don’t care what you say, I’m laughing all the way to the bank” or whatever.

I’m a prickly person. Many things in the world bug me. Parents speeding through the school parking lot on the phone, behind the wheel of an SUV the size of a ferry, those same parents being too damned lazy to park and walk to pick up a child so they park in the cross walk or the fire zone. The one mother who is a crossing guard who is drunk with the power. People who try to censor what I read or write. People who say, “not to sound racist” and then spout off something racist. My neighbor who told me Quakers weren’t real Christians and sends me crap from her church all the time. The list goes on and on and on, trust me. But you know, my dumbass neighbor has a right to be a dumbass and believe whatever she wants as long as she leaves me the hell out of it. And if mrs “at least people had a sense of decency” in the old days wants to write her own book because she can’t find what she wants on the shelves, more power to her. I just wish she’d stop being so nosy and worried about what I read.

A few things - there is a world of difference between voicing concerns in a professional manner and ranting like a crackhead. Really, it’s not unprofessional to take your concerns to the publisher or your editor and if you receive an answer that doesn’t satisfy you, it might be something to take public. And yet, when an author says, “I’ve had some trouble receiving my royalties from crazycrackhead press” she can do so without posting rants absent paragraph breaks, punctuation and written in all caps without benefit of a spellchecker.

We all get frustrated. We all get downhearted about things that happen and many times, those of us who want to keep a career anyway, try to find solutions to our problems either behind the scenes or privately. And if we go public, we choose our words carefully because this is a very small industry. I realize this doesn’t give a week’s worth of blog drama to others but there’s a lot to be said about authors who keep their mouths shut and deal with problems professionally behind the scenes when they can and professionally in public when they need to.

That doesn’t mean you need to be fucked over by crazycrackhead press! It doesn’t mean you should be silent when your friends tell you they plan to submit to crazycrackho press. There are plenty of ways to deal with problems without telling the world your dog ate your homework or jealous bitches are out to get you.

I’m not the epitome of professionalism. I’d totally wear a costume to a booksigning. I sing showtunes in public hallways. I say bad words and let my kids eat potato chips and watch Spongebob. But if I can refrain from three screen long, incoherent rants in all caps where a good eighty five percent of the words are misspelled, so you can you. I swear.

Take a deep breath, drink some tea, but don’t hit “send” until you’ve given yourself some time to think. Most of the time I type, save and come back later to edit (hell, I edited this three times) Don’t be a douchebag, don’t threaten to sue, don’t accuse people who don’t agree with you of being jealous bitches, don’t tell us how much money you make, don’t tell us how important you are or what a great writer you are. Don’t tell us about your financial troubles or your wild daughter. This is oversharing and it’s not necessary. It’s tacky and grotesque and it’s not professional.

41,096 / 70,000 (58.7%)

Wolf Unbound - start of Day 4 - up 3063 from yesterday! Wheee!

Smidgen of the day:

His father nodded. “I’m glad to hear it. I don’t know what to say, son. I’ve just never imagined this situation. I like it very much that this Tegan makes you happy but I’ve never met a werewolf before much less had one in my family. I’d be shocked if you married a Protestant girl, this is way out of my league.”

Now - so I go back and forth on the whole issue of RWA membership because of some of the attitudes from the National Organization regarding epublishing, small presses and erotic romance in general. But I do like what the chapters offer and I’m of the opinion, or I have been, that the voices within the ranks should speak up. So when my dues came last month I paid them and now I’m sorry.

I am because on the eve of the national conference (one I am SO glad I didn’t spend a dime to attend) they’ve unveiled two of the most exclusionary new rules I’ve seen from them in a while. The first one is how publishers become RWA recognized. In the last few years several epublishers have received recognition: Ellora’s Cave was the first, then Trisk (a very controversial decision) and then Loose Id and Samhain. This agitated many people who seem to think the RWA should be about excluding people to make those members feel better about just how special they are because others aren’t.

To wit - the new board ruling on publisher recognition unveiled today:

Commencing with RWA’s 2008 National Conference, for official publisher participation, a romance publisher must verify to RWA that it: (1) is not a Subsidy Publisher or Vanity Publisher; (2) has been releasing romance novels via national distribution for no fewer than three years, with no fewer than two full-length romance novels or novel-length romance anthologies published in each of three consecutive years; (3) provides per book advances of at least $1,000 for all books; and (4) pays all authors participating in an anthology an advance of at least $500.

and they give us this little “note”
Note:

The Board wishes to note that a $1,000 advance for a novel is an extremely small sum. It is, however, a minimal indicator that a publisher is invested in an author’s career to the degree that RWA can reasonably allocate its conference resources to that publisher, as some consideration has been paid for use of an author’s rights.

What they’ve done is effectively pushed all epublishers out the door. Firstly, ones like Samhain who do give nominal advances and go to print but who’ve not been open for three years yet and then for everyone else with the 1K advance requirement.

I don’t talk about money in public. It’s crass and it’s like talking about how great your books are or how special your writing is or whatever, it’s tacky. BUT, I will say because it’s germane here, I make good money with epublishing. I can’t compare it to NY because my NY book isn’t out yet. But I am a romance writer for two very good romance publishers other than Harlequin (and hey, Harlequin is the grand damme so hee!). Moreover, is that all that makes a romance author? Money? Because what about those authors who struggle and don’t sell through but do so with a big publisher? Are they suddenly not romance writers because something they wrote didn’t resonate with enough readers to make them count?

And the advance stuff is another total blind spot. Look I’m not saying I hate advances, I love them, LOL. But it’s not the only indicator that a publisher is invested in an author. In fact, as far as I’m concerned, the size of the advance is such a small part of it. Look at publishers who do pay small advances but who do a lot of promotion for their authors and give their authors many avenues to write different things and explore. Dorchester does this. Look at Shomi! It’s a great line but totally experimental. They’ve done a lot of advertising for it though. My biggest point is, let the authors make the decisions based on what they feel is most important. Aside from fraudulent places charging authors to print books, etc, this stuff is all smoke and mirrors.

How is this reorganization to close the “club” doors on epublishers good for authors in any way? This is an organization made for romance authors. If they only mean those people the board thinks are worthy, they should say so and stop using my sales numbers to make romance look better. Stop taking my fucking dues then, damn it.

The continual moving of the goal posts to keep out the “undesirables” from RWA is so obvious and so ridiculous, I must admit I’m flabbergasted (and I love the word flabbergasted!) at the absolute, in your face bias I see. And yep, it’s bias. It’s bigotry from people who have no idea what it takes to be a working writer so they assume everyone faces the same struggles and has the same goals with their writing. I want to know how those board members voted on this stuff. Does anyone know? Does it have to be unanimous?

And the PAN stuff, not surprised. More of the same. As if by shutting people out it protects them. Like segregation protected people. It’s backwards logic but sadly, it’s pretty common.

Yesterday I made my daily pilgrimage over to Smart Bitches because well, I love them and they are made of awesome. They’re intelligent, funny and quite often are a great news source for what’s going down in romancelandia (and not in a negative sense)

So I see this link to a sort of “From the Right/From the Left” Column in the Atlanta Journal Constitution about romance novels entitled “Harm in Reading Romance?”

Right Leaner (and total kook) Shaunti Felhahn says with alarm!

I was concerned to learn that many romance novels are not as harmless as they look. In fact, some marriage therapists caution that women can become as dangerously unbalanced by these books’ entrancing but distorted messages as men can by distorted messages of pornography

Gasps! Dangerously unbalanced! OHNOES! But wait, it’s worse. Worse because you’re reading soft core porn and promote an unattainable standard of maleness

The male heroes are all strong, rugged and breathtakingly handsome, yet sensitive, patient listeners and utterly unselfish.

And ladies, step away from the porn, because it’ll make you want a husband who listens and that is not okay. Further, you simply cannot be trusted to know the difference between fact and fiction. You are too soft headed, your brains rotted from all the porn you’re reading in those NASCAR romances and the secret baby books you hide under the mattress. YOU CANNOT BE TRUSTED WITH REALITY!

So Shaunti, being the giver she is, tells you about a book by a an author who knows women who are addicted to those books. Instead you should read the doctor’s book about submitted wives. And whatever, you know, if that’s your thing, good for you. If you choose that life, I support your choice. I just wonder why it is these folks are always trying to limit everyone else’s choices. Anyway, I digress - what I want to say is that if women escape for a few hours into a book, that doesn’t make her addicted or dissatisfied.

Not to be outdone by Shaunti’s disdain of romantic fiction and the women who choose to read it instead of setting up a shrine to her husband’s dirty socks or whatever, we get Diane Glass “from the left” who is less annoying and offensive but sadly, quite condescending.

Boys and girls -

Harlequin novels may not be like reading Maya Angelou, but at least women are reading.

At least they’re reading! Even if it isn’t real literature like Maya Angelou writes. *Diane pats our heads and smiles gently as to not upset our low intelligence and simple nature*

She does go on to make the important point which is that women aren’t idiots and they know the difference between real life and what they read in books and she also gives us permission to like romance because it isn’t porn *whew*

Gets out of chair and stands on soapbox:

First if all - women don’t need permission to like or read romance. They don’t need permission to like sex in their books either. They don’t need “acceptance” from women who think they’re better than other women and are somehow qualified to tell us what we can or can’t do.

Second of all - sex is not bad. Liking sex isn’t bad. Liking sex with your partner in a multitude of ways is not bad any more than liking sex in just a few ways is bad.

Third of all - wanting a partner who listens to you is a GOOD THING. If women learn that from a romance novel, good. Still, I’d wager women know that anyway.

Fourthly - don’t write a column if you don’t know what you’re talking about. Don’t write about something like an expert when you’re going on what your friend’s brother’s wife told you about a romance novel she read ten years ago.

The thing that gets me about both these women, is that neither one of them appears to have actually READ a romance since 1972. And while some suggest they shouldn’t actually have to understand the subject they’re writing about, I disagree.

We aren’t stupid. We aren’t nymphos. We aren’t going to leave our husbands because we read romances.

I’m probably going to regret saying this out loud but I can’t be silent.

Okay, I’m not an oldbie by any stretch. I’m still a relative newbie but I’ve done this a while and on top of that, I get agitated easily and in the last months, there are several things that have worked my last nerve to the point of being frayed. Some of the stuff I’ve seen of late online makes me want to shake my finger and tell those teenaged boys who live across the street to pull up their damned pants I’m so disgusted in general. This isn’t so much advice -because hey, who am I to give advice - as it is several observations:

1. PLEASE for the love of the sweet baby Jesus on his pogo stick can you stop talking about how special your writing is compared to other authors? I know, you’re a storyteller, not a story weaver. We all pale in comparison to your deep POV and whatever else this brand of writer likes to constantly tell the rest of us about your craft. WE GET IT. Now can you shut up?

2. If you plan to talk shit about other authors when you’re wowing your groupies with your fabulous writing prowess, it’s a good idea to say it on the phone, via IM or to lock down your loop so no one can find your stuff.

3. I’m going to revisit 1 and 2 here for a moment because I cannot believe the fucking insane level of hubris it takes for an author, any other author beside Neil Gaiman or William Gibson to get online and talk shit about other authors and tell everyone how great they are. Do other some authors get on my ever loving last nerve? TOO RIGHT THEY DO! But I cannot imagine getting online or talking to other people about how great I am in comparison to everyone else. I don’t know, maybe it’s a failing of mine. It’s just grotesque. In that vein, attacking rivals and attempting to spread scandal is unprofessional to the extreme and it also creates fallout for everyone involved in even an auxillary way.

4. Please, please, please take your shit and deal with people face to face or offloop. Squabbling makes everyone look bad and I DON’T WANT TO KNOW. I don’t. It’s not my business if author A doesn’t like author B or if publisher A doesn’t like publisher B and it shouldn’t be made my business, and it REALLY shouldn’t be made the business of readers. We seem to be forgetting who is watching. Readers don’t deserve to be dragged through this insanity. They deserve good reads.

We are authors. We exist in public and the things we say will get leaked. Just because you’re having a bad day, or are bored, or your mom is sick or you got a bad review or your boyfriend left his beard hairs in the sink or damned cat sharpened her claws on your favorite pair of Doc Martens loafers - it’s no excuse. All this tantruming, all this negative smack about other authors, all this oversharing and blaming bad behavior on everything else reflects on our community as a whole.

Why the hell do we do this to each other? There are people in this community I don’t like. Yep. But look, if *I* can have filters, anyone can. I’m not saying we have to group hug or anything. I’m not saying we all have to be nice to each other. I’m saying can you please stop making me look like an asshole because you can’t keep your bragging about your special snowflake writing to your friends via IM like everyone else?

Dignity costs nothing. It really doesn’t. Graciousness and composure are sometimes more difficult but still, they’ll almost always serve you well, even when you’re a big mouthed bitch like me.