So I pop on over to Kate Rothwell’s blog, because I love to read her and she’s got this marvelous post up inspired by this hilarious one, in response to this eye goggling, seriously wackadoo chick whose blog is full of ads but who tells us all she’s way too good for the rest of us.
So, inspired by Kate’s clever little meme idea, I thought I’d play too! I’m going to list all the reasons why I am the shit, teh hawt, and frankly, way too good for 43.8 percent of men without jobs who live in their mother’s basement.
1. I’ve had three children. This means while they have taken years off my life, they will provide a decent workforce as they grow older. They also probably have kidneys they can donate if I need one.
2. I know loads of words for different genetalia, which is good for about ten minutes of amusement on your part.
3. I know how to make food items look like novel things to try and entice children into eating healthy. How can you turn down a celery stick with peanut butter and raisins that is “ants on a log?”
4. I’ve taught two sons how to pee sitting down. This makes me a superhero.
5. I know how to use a phone and computer, these are things Cleopatra could not do. I am so much hotter than Cleopatra was.
6. My stretch marks are better than yours.
7. I know lots of ways to describe oral sex with a vampire.
8. I’ve seen Anya Bast take tequila shots and you haven’t.
9. I can eat a whole can of sour cream and onion pringles.
10. I know the words to about 93.2% of Pearl Jam’s song catalog, including their rarities. Yes, I am a freak but I draw the line at looking around town for the band members (although I’ve ridden in an elevator with Ed at my old job and didn’t even stalk him so I have self control, bitches)
11. I snickered when Jackie there talked about her libido. Let’s see if she can get it regular with three kids. I can. Therefore I am hotter than Jackie. Even if I am old, clearly my time management and libido are better than hers so nanny nanny boo boo.
12. I’ve been with my husband for 2o years. He’s seen me as a high breasted, big haired 18 year old and a slightly graying (hey baby, love that feria cardinal red!) 38 year old who can nurse a baby, write a novel and make ants on a log. Hands down that makes me sexier and more desirable than Jackie any day of the week.
13. I know the words to Silly Hat and most other Barney songs and I am not afraid to break em out to stop a tantrum on a road trip.
I may be old and not as thin as the percentages Jackie there gives, I’m not actually single or looking either, but I am still way too good for Jackie who will never be able to make a celery stick look so good or sneak a jar of pureed veggies into macaroni and cheese to trick her kids into getting their vegetables. I am way more devious.